we are who we choose to beThe Green Goblin, Spider Man 2002
Some of use choose who we want to be.
For example, my boyfriend- he actually decided when he was a young boy, that he “wanted to be an engineer, just like my dad” and he did it. He did it. He stuck to a plan, and executed it. Even after life’s curve balls, he stuck it out, and saw it through. (I think it’s because he’s a taurus; bullheaded and incorrigibly stubborn.) “
As an immigrant, (he’s from Jamaica) his life was NOT easy, or straightforward. But he stuck to the plan. I appreciate his tenacity and his discipline. He molded himself and his life by CHOOSING his path.
Then, there are people like me- that Forrest Gump their way through life
I’ll be honest- the plan I had for myself post high school, didn’t pan out- but like…. WHO’S DID??? (besides my boyfriend, and other robots, like him lol)
I thought I was going to be a high school english teacher. College was hard for me, I had a lot of interpersonal childhood trauma that prevented me from focusing on my school work. I worked minimum wage full-time jobs and went to school, but I couldn’t motivate myself to do my school work, or go to class. By my sophomore year, I dropped out with a laughable GPA, and a balance from my revoked academic scholarships (double bummer)
From there, I started working with adults with disabilities. My grandma helped me get a job where she worked. I did that for almost 9 years. I genuinely loved my job.
The set up was very independent, and required self sufficiency, as there were no supervisors. It was just you, and 3 individuals in a normal house, in a normal neighborhood. I worked Friday afternoon through Monday morning straight through ( 64 hour shifts). The ladies I worked for were high functioning, so we’d do things like go to Kroger, or the mall, catch a movie… your typical weekend stuff. Help them cook, maintain their house, basically be a big sister ( that would also pass out their medicines)
A job like that will have you really complacent- a job that’s easy, and that you “like well enough”- years will roll by in a blink of an eye.
One day, I was watching MTV’s Cribs, on this particular episode, CeeLo Green was touring his house. At some point, I remember he introduced his wife.
His wife stood like, a whole foot taller than him, but her presence- even through the T.V was something that still has an impact on me till this day. She was a spiritual sistah, with locs and kente cloth, and she probably smelled like she’d been smudging sage all day.
“she’s a reflexologist.”
What the hell is a reflexologist. Whatever is it, I want to be that.
So, that’s how I wound up in massage school. That was 2010.
Life gets kinda blurry from here;
- After graduation, I did a lot of massage out of my house
- I started painting, a lot, as a form of self expression
- I went to therapy often
- I started doing open mic stand up at Comedy Off Broadway
- I moved to Tennessee
- Got my first waitressing job
- moved back to Kentucky
- moved back to Tennessee
- got my dream job at Blackberry Farm
- moved back to Kentucky
- went back to school
- got married
- opened a business
- got divorced
- went to europe
- went to Japan
- had a baby
That’s the condensed and PG abridged version of my ridiculous and nonsensical life. By happenstance, I arrived here,
Admittedly, I felt kind of grossed out by the go with the flow of my life up to a certain point. I grew disinterested in telling you the details of my life up until this point, and kind of regret choosing such a personal first time blog entry- but go big or go home, right? I am so much more fascinated by where I am now, and who I’m becoming.
Maybe I didn’t choose who I wanted to be, but I wholeheartedly choose to be what I’ve become.